Iris
by Ben is Glory
Summary: Song fic set to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Takes place during "Family." Tara's father takes her home, but will she be able to get back to Willow? FINALLY UPDATED!
1. One

TITLE: Iris  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: Thank Joss, not me. And the always amazing Goo Goo Dolls for a great song.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, well since it didn't really happen this way, I guess it's AU. But I really thought that this song fit perfectly to the setting. And in case you're wondering, Tara is not going to kill herself. I don't know why but sometimes people assume characters in my fics are always out to kill themselves. I promise, that was ONE TIME, lol. Plus, I love Tara dearly, and losing her once was enough for me. Here's the low-down: Song lyrics in italics and thoughts in quotes =)  
FEEDBACK: Yes please!

"Willow," she thought. "Beautiful sweet Willow." She placed a shirt inside her suitcase.

__

And I'd give up forever to touch you

"Things were just getting good here. Everything turning out right. Like it should be." She walked over to her dresser and picked up a blue peasant skirt.

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'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

"I love you so much. And now... now we're being ripped apart. By some... thing. Something inside of me." Put the skirt in.

__

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

"I just can't leave you this way."

__

And I don't want to go home right now

Tara walked over to her desk and stared at a photo. It was taken only a few weeks ago, when the Scoobies went to the beach.

__

And all I can taste is this moment

She looked at the happy group: Buffy with Riley, Xander with Anya, and her. Her with Willow.

__

And all I can breathe is your life

A fresh wave of pain hit her. She walked back over to the bed where her bag was and set the picture safely inside.

__

'Cause sooner or later it's over

"Why me?" she thought. "Why do I have to leave everything? My friends, my home, my goddess."

__

I just don't want to miss you tonight

Over to the bookcase. Picked up some books. Old favorites of hers, some that were Willow's. Tossed them in the bag.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

"This is for the best. They don't deserve to see me this way."

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"Don't want a demon."

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When everything's made to be broken

"They need to remember the sweet and innocent Tara," she sniffled.

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I just want you to know who I am

She went back over to the desk. Found her best set of Tarot cards. In they went.

__

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Tara sat down gently on the bed, reflecting on everything that happened. She softly began to cry.

__

Or the moment of truth in your lies

She remembered all the wonderful times she had with her girlfriend.

__

When everything feels like the movies

The beautiful magick they made. How Will always made her feel special. She had brought Tara out of her shell, helped her become who she is now.

__

And you bleed just to know you're alive

She had never loved anybody the way she loved Willow. Never admired somebody the same way.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

She stood and resumed packing. Put in a pair of sandals.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Grabbed her CDs, stuffed them in.

__

When everything's made to be broken

Picked up her candles, put them with the rest of her things.

__

I just want you to know who I am

When she was almost completely packed, she took a pen and a piece of paper and began writing a letter.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

"Willow, my love. Writing this letter is the hardest thing I'll ever do.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

I have to go. I can't explain why. It's easier this way, believe me.

__

When everything's made to be broken

This way it saves us both a lot of trouble.

__

I just want you to know who I am

Please, never doubt that I love you.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

I will always love you. I've never loved anything as much as I love you.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

But everything's made to be broken.

__

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.

__

I just want you to know who I am

I am Tara. Tara Maclay.

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I just want you to know who I am

I live in Sunnydale, and go to Sunnydale University. I am a witch.

__

I just want you to know who I am

And most importantly, I am yours, forever."

__

I just want you to know who I am

THE END

***

A/n: There will be a second, parallel to this one (with the song included) from Willow's perspective, due to the popular demand from my awesome beta team xD


	2. Two

TITLE: Iris  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: Joss and the Goo Goo Dolls :)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here's Willow's perspective of everything. I watched "Family" last night on UPN. Aww, I hope I did this right. I wanna thank my awesome beta-team, because if it wasn't for you guys, this wouldn't be here. Alright, here we go: lyrics in italics and thoughts in quotes!  
FEEDBACK: Yesssss :D

Willow was at the library studying.

__

And I'd give up forever to touch you

As always, she was thinking about Tara.

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'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

She loved her so much it hurt.

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You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

It was getting late, so she started gathering her things.

__

And I don't want to go home right now

Notepads into her bag.

__

And all I can taste is this moment

Books and pens went in.

__

And all I can breathe is your life

She grabbed everything and set off for the dorms.

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'Cause sooner or later it's over

She walked out of the library and out into the courtyard. The bright afternoon sun making her feel warm.

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I just don't want to miss you tonight

Just like Tara always had.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Once she reached the dorm, she went inside and headed up the stairs.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

She wanted to see Tara before she left to go to dinner with her father.

__

When everything's made to be broken

She stood at the door and paused. The mere thought of seeing Tara excited her. 

__

I just want you to know who I am

She opened the door and walked inside, but Tara was not waiting for her. "Where is she?" Willow thought.

__

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

She looked around the room. Practically everything was gone.

__

Or the moment of truth in your lies

She glanced over at Tara's desk. The only thing remaining was a piece of paper.

__

When everything feels like the movies

She picked up the letter and began reading.

__

And you bleed just to know you're alive

"Willow, my love. Writing this letter is the hardest thing I'll ever do."

__

And I don't want the world to see me

"No!" Willow thought violently, blinking back tears. "She can't do this to me!"

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"She's my one, my everything. How can I lose her?"

__

When everything's made to be broken

"My goddess."

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I just want you to know who I am

She continued reading. Hot salty tears stung her eyes.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

"I have to go. I can't explain why. It's easier this way, believe me.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

This way it saves us both a lot of trouble."

__

When everything's made to be broken

"Does it save me the trouble of loving you?" Willow thought frantically. Another sob escaped.

__

I just want you to know who I am

"Please, never doubt that I love you. I will always love you. I've never loved anything as much as I love you."

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Willow began thinking of all the wonderful times she and Tara had together. The bond of unconditional love between them.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"But everything's made to be broken.

__

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am.

__

I just want you to know who I am

I am Tara. Tara Maclay. I live in Sunnydale, and go to Sunnydale University. I am a witch.

__

I just want you to know who I am

And most importantly, I am yours, forever."

__

I just want you to know who I am

Willow sank down onto the bed. "I will wait for you, Tara. I'll wait forever and a day."

__

I just want you to know who I am

***

A/n: I've been told I should continue this story, so we'll see what happens…


	3. Three

TITLE: Iris  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: "Could you stop touching me? No, Joss, stop touching me!" haha and yes GGDs need their credit as well.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wee. More W/Tness. Everybody needs that, right? Naturally. Alright, not a lot to say. Thank you thank you thank you Lauren, Annie, Katie, Cate and Amber. I love you all and could not have done this without you! Yay. Okay, you know the drill. Song lyrics in italics and thoughts in quotes xD  
FEEDBACK: Now now now!

Tara was curled up in a small chair in her bedroom.

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And I'd give up forever to touch you

It was familiar enough, but a constant reminder of her past.

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'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Still, it was the only place in the house she could stand to be.

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You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

The chair allowed her to push all thoughts of the present away and just think.

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And I don't want to go home right now

All she could think of was Willow.

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And all I can taste is this moment

Tara glanced out the window into the bleak October sky.

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And all I can breathe is your life

It seemed the gods were sending her a message: things were wrong.

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'Cause sooner or later it's over

But she knew this already.

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I just don't want to miss you tonight

She knew the sun had been left behind in Sunnydale.

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And I don't want the world to see me

It had only been a day. One day since her world began crumbling.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

The light was gone and everything was dark. Life had lost all of its meaning.

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When everything's made to be broken

Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted.

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I just want you to know who I am

"Tara!" a voice called. 

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And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

It was only her brother Donny.

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Or the moment of truth in your lies

He was the one most happy about the arrangement. He got his little sister back.

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When everything feels like the movies

The one person he could push around.

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And you bleed just to know you're alive

She knew he needed the power, and frankly she was too emotionally drained to care.

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And I don't want the world to see me

She felt numb. Nothing touched her.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

She was broken.

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When everything's made to be broken

The past week had only served as a reminder to Tara of why she had left in the first place.

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I just want you to know who I am

"There's no one here," she thought.

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And I don't want the world to see me

"No one who understands, no one who cares. Not a single person that knows what love was."

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"Tara!" he called again.

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When everything's made to be broken

"Y-y-yes, Donny?" she answered meekly.

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I just want you to know who I am

"Get down here! Dinner's ready."

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And I don't want the world to see me

Tara sighed quietly. 

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"Time to face them again," she thought. "The family."

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When everything's made to be broken

Somehow she managed to pry herself away from the little chair in her room by the window. 

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I just want you to know who I am

She moved to the door, and as she closed it, she whispered a promise.

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I just want you to know who I am

"I'm coming Willow.

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I just want you to know who I am

Just wait. I will come back to you."

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I just want you to know who I am

***

[shameless plug] If you liked this, hop on over to my newest story "Hanging By A Moment" of which the next installment will be W/T. Promise =X [/plug]


	4. Four

TITLE: Iris  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: It's the J to the O to the S to the S. And the Goo Goo Dolls for lots of wonderfulness.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm finally FINALLY getting back into this story. I do believe the hard part is over, and this chapter was the hardest of all to write, but after this it's smooth sailing. Pretty much, anyway. I think you can expect three (?) more chapters. Hope you enjoy! Lyrics in italics and thoughts in quotes.  
FEEDBACK: Lots, please. Review review review! Show Willow and Tara love, eh?

***

"Will, you need to eat something."

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And I'd give up forever to touch you

Buffy pleaded with her friend, but the redhead refused to eat, drink, or do anything besides lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling.

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'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Every emotion she had ever felt seemed to pale in comparison to what she was feeling right now. 

__

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

Anger.

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And I don't want to go home right now

Resentment.

__

And all I can taste is this moment

Fear.

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And all I can breathe is your life

Fear of being alone again.

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'Cause sooner or later it's over

"There must be a spell," Willow thought.

__

I just don't want to miss you tonight

"Something, anything that will let me talk to her. To know she's all right. There's got to be something."

__

And I don't want the world to see me

She looked over to her friend. Buffy's face wore an expression of pure concern.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Flashing the blonde a weak smile she said, "It's okay. Everything is going to be fine."

__

When everything's made to be broken

But she didn't know.

__

I just want you to know who I am

She didn't know much, lately.

__

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

The past day had made her doubt everything she ever felt and everything she would ever feel.

__

Or the moment of truth in your lies

"This can't be wrong!" she screamed silently.

__

When everything feels like the movies

"Not when it feels so right."

__

And you bleed just to know you're alive

They were both quiet for a while, lost in reflection.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Willow turned over onto her stomach and stared out her window.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

The skies were gray and clouds threatened to pour down rain at any minute.

__

When everything's made to be broken

It fit the mood perfectly, and she nearly laughed at the irony.

__

I just want you to know who I am

But now is not the time for laughter.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Not when everything is as broken as it already is.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Piece the life back together, get back together, and then there will be plenty of time for smiles, giggles, laughs.

__

When everything's made to be broken

Plenty of time to live and love.

__

I just want you to know who I am

Willow turned her head away as a single tear fell down her cheek.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

"Hold on, Tara," she whispered silently to herself.

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'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

"I'm coming for you.

__

When everything's made to be broken

I'll be there soon, baby. Just wait for me."

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I just want you to know who I am

Rolling back over on her side to face Buffy, she repeated, "Everything is going to be fine."

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I just want you to know who I am

The slayer's voice was very soft.

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I just want you to know who I am

"I hope you're right."

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I just want you to know who I am

***

A/n: And the story unfolds… lol. Hope you liked it. Also? Review!


	5. Five

TITLE: Iris  
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory  
RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon, of course, and the amazing Goo Goo Dolls.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The newest installment, and I SWEAR this story will be finished by the end of the summer. It's winding down, anyway. Thanks to Annie, Katie, and Lauren for being wonderful. Lyrics in italics and thoughts in quotes!  
FEEDBACK: It is most appreciated.

---

Tara cracked an eye open as sunlight flooded her room.

__

And I'd give up forever to touch you

She tried hard to suppress a groan at the fact that now it was morning, and now she had to face her family. Again.

__

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Never in a million years would she ever get used to the pain of being here again.

__

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

Would never get used to being alone.

__

And I don't want to go home right now

To being without Willow.

__

And all I can taste is this moment

Refusing to get up and face the reality that today was her birthday and ultimately the end of life as she knew it, she sunk back down into her bed.

__

And all I can breathe is your life

She thought about many things.

__

'Cause sooner or later it's over

She thought about how life would never be the same, ever.

__

I just don't want to miss you tonight

Remembered how nice it was to escape the town where she had been labeled a 'freak' only to have to return against her will.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Tara struggled to remember anything that was better away from Sunnydale.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

But her mind kept coming back to one thing. Willow.

__

When everything's made to be broken

It wasn't fair.

__

I just want you to know who I am

She had just found Willow, and now she was being carried away. Locked up like a princess in a tower.

__

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

But Tara was no princess, and she knew this wasn't a fairytale.

__

Or the moment of truth in your lies

They would be coming soon.

__

When everything feels like the movies

She knew that she only had a few minutes before her safe-haven was polluted with people coming to wish her a happy birthday.

__

And you bleed just to know you're alive

Lies. All lies.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

They just wanted to come and gawk at the freak-girl-turned-demon.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Dragging herself out of bed, she stumbled across the room to the mirror behind her table.

__

When everything's made to be broken

When she forced herself to look, she was shocked at what she saw. Or, what she didn't see.

__

I just want you to know who I am

Nothing.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

There was nothing. No demon.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Just a normal, scared girl too far away from home.

__

When everything's made to be broken

Within a minute she had her things packed, ready to leave.

__

I just want you to know who I am

Ready to go back to where she was wanted.

__

And I don't want the world to see me

Where she was needed.

__

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Managing to sneak out unnoticed, she crept to the bus station.

__

When everything's made to be broken

She bought a one-way ticket and sat down to wait for her departure. Everything was happening so fast, and she loved it.

__

I just want you to know who I am

Slowly, a smile spread across her face.

__

I just want you to know who I am

"This is it," she thought.

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I just want you to know who I am

"I can finally go home."

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I just want you to know who I am

-TBC-


End file.
